Labour officials have unveiled a sweeping crackdown on ‘offensive humour’ in what critics are calling “the least funny policy rollout in modern political history”.

The proposed guidelines were released in a 147-page whitepaper. They outline a new framework under which ‘pub banter’ deemed “punching down, hurtful or otherwise unpleasant” could face formal review. 

The proposed Offensive Humour Act will oversee compliance with anyone caught poking fun or ‘roasting’ friends, family or colleagues will be subject to a range of penalties including fines, sensitivity training, or, in severe cases, compulsory attendance at improv workshops. 

“We’re not against humour,” says Justice Secretary David Lammy, pausing briefly to confirm that the remark itself was permissible. “We simply believe jokes should be inclusive, constructive, and ideally pre-vetted by at least three stakeholders and a diversity panel.” 

Under the draft rules, sarcasm will require a visible disclaimer, irony must be registered 48 hours in advance, and banter will be subject to a fairness based points system. 

Backlash from the public has been widespread. Comedians across the country have reacted with a mixture of confusion and the kind of restrained despair usually associated with tax audits. 

One stand-up described the policy as “bold, visionary, and completely unusable,” before asking whether that sentence would be allowed under the new guidelines. 

Not everyone is opposed to the changes. A coalition of professional HR managers issued a statement praising the initiative as “a long-overdue step toward bringing workplace meeting energy into everyday life.” 

Still, concerns remain about enforcement. When asked how the ORB would distinguish between harmless banter and unacceptable jokes, officials clarified that context would be key, along with tone, timing, intent, historical precedent, and “a general feeling.” 

Despite concerns, Lammy denies that the proposal is an attack on freedom of speech saying: “Britain must become a nation where everyone can laugh—carefully, and with prior approval” before adding: “Everyone is entitled to speak freely. However this government cannot guarantee freedom after speech”.

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